Wired for Connection | A Reflection on Disconnected Relationships in the Digital World

I frequently hear people talking about disconnection and the problems that stem from it.  There are many different kinds of disconnection, but the one I am speaking to is the kind that happens between people.  At first glance, you may think, “I am constantly connecting with people.  I sent three texts in the last hour!”  Despite the many technological advances we have today that allow us to contact each other very easily, we are feeling more disconnected than ever (Seligman, 2009).  Is this a problem and if so, what are we to do about it?

I think it makes perfect sense that feeling disconnected and/or isolated is problematic.  As human beings, we are wired for connection.  There are countless research studies that can attest to this, but we do not need research to know that this is true.  Think of the last few times you had a lot of fun. Whether you laughed a lot or did a fun activity, there was probably someone else there sharing the experience with you and enhancing your experience of joy.  On the contrary, feelings of loneliness can add to depression and perpetuate isolation. 

There is also a physical impact of being disconnected.  Cornwell and Waite (2009) found that social disconnectedness is associated with people rating themselves as less healthy.  Furthermore, the health risks are significant; House (2001) compared the magnitude of the risks of social isolation to those of smoking cigarettes and obesity.

But what are we to do about it?  I would first check on how much time you spend on your phone and other electronic devices.  Many of us have witnessed a group of friends out for dinner whereon most of the individuals at the table were engrossed in their cell phones instead of each other; this is unfortunately a very common occurrence today at restaurants and even in our own homes.  We need to start putting our phones down and talking to each other.  If your challenge is getting out and spending more time with others, try to identify what is stopping you from doing this.  Is it hard finding a time to meet with friends due to busy schedules?  Try a scheduling app; they are frequently free and easy to use.  If it is something else that is getting in the way, let’s figure it out; your health and happiness depend on it. 

Written by Alexis Anttila, MA, LAMFT

Photo Source: jeshoots.com

References

Cornwell, E. Y. & Waite, L. J. (2009).  Social Disconnectedness, Perceived Isolation, and Health among Older Adults.  Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 50(1), pps. 31-48.

House, J. S. (2001).  Social Isolation Kills, But How and Why?  Psychosomatic Medicine, 63, 273–274.

Seligman, K. (2009, March 2).  Social isolation a significant health issue.  San Francisco Chronicle.  Retrieved from https://www.sfgate.com/health/article/Social-isolation-a-significant-health-issue-3249234.php