I Had A Baby! Now What?

You’ve heard it before, “It takes a village!” But what if you don’t have that village and what if your village doesn’t understand? 

Sometimes the joy of bringing home your new little bundle doesn’t feel so joyful. In fact, it can feel pretty overwhelming, exhausting (hello, sleep deprivation), and even physically painful. We think to ourselves, “Why didn’t someone tell me this?” We spend most of our lives in school studying, learning, receiving further education in trades and careers we pursue and yet when it comes to parenthood we are told that we each have this intuition inside us that will answer all the questions we have about parenthood. You’ve heard it before, “Oh, you’ll just know what to do.” Then when we are gifted with a tiny human and sent off on our merry way, all of a sudden this intuition that we were promised by our parents, the hospital, coworkers, or the stranger at Target isn’t helping us in the middle of the night when the baby is crying. Learning to navigate the beginning stages of parenthood is unique for each individual. Oftentimes our needs and learning curve are different than our partner’s. We look to friends, family, or even social media to tell us what we should be doing and how we should be feeling. And while some advice is helpful, sometimes our search creates more loneliness, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy when we don’t get the answers we need or our life doesn’t look like the professional photographs we see on social media. We Google way too much, self-criticize, and might begin to experience feelings of guilt or shame. So now what?

Try engaging in some self-compassion. Give yourself some grace to learn, grow, and fail. Don’t put pressure on yourself to live up to any preconceived notions or ideals of what you thought parenthood would look like. Your new normal will continue to develop the more you learn, grow, and fail.

Take a break from the outside sources that reinforce negative feelings and beliefs. If you find yourself scrolling through social media and feeling worse afterwards, it might be time to disconnect from the “connection” that increases negative feelings. If you find that your village isn’t helping with your needs, this would be a great starting point to learn how to set boundaries.

Start listening to your body. Our bodies are experts in telling us what it needs and if we make the choice to listen, we start to feel rewarded (even if it is after a 5 minute shower).

Take a breath, and then another, and remember this is all a phase. Each little phase may feel like an eternity. The days may seem long, and the nights even longer; however, we are strong enough to get through it.

If you feel like you need more support or might be struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety, we are here to help and would be honored to be part of your village.

Written by Kelly Ciapetta, MS Ed., LPCC

Photo credit: pexels.com