Noticing: A quick guide for parents to See the Good in their children

“Noticing” is a parenting tactic that asks parents to actively notice and acknowledge out loud to a child when they see their child engage with positive behaviors and efforts. This tactic reinforces to kiddos that their parents are also paying attention to the good and this encourages kiddos to continue with those positive behaviors. It can be easy as a parent to fall into the pattern of only calling attention to the negative behaviors in efforts to change those behaviors, but noticing can be a good tactic to boost self esteem, enhance and strengthen the parent-child attachment and bond, and promote the “good” behaviors.

An example format for “noticing” is as follows from Conscious Discipline, a company created by Dr. Becky Bailey that is dedicated to “creating positive, brain-smart environments for children, families, and schools”:

According to Dr. Becky Bailey, there are four steps to notice the helpfulness of children without judgement:

1. Start by using the childs name or the pronoun “you.”

2. Next, describe in detail what you noticed the child do that was helpful.

3. Help the child understand how that behavior or action helped you.

4. End the description with “that was helpful” or “that was thoughtful.”

Here is an example of the noticing language: “I saw you put your sister’s toys away, so that she wouldn’t have to do it herself later, that was so thoughtful!.”

As we know, it takes 21 days to build a habit, so try building the habit of Noticing as a parent!

Blog by Lauren Wein, MA
Photo by cottonbro studio via Pexels