5 Helpful Skills for Parenting Teenagers
Let’s face it, parenting teenagers can be a difficult job. They are facing the developmental task of creating their own identity and at times that includes testing the limits and pushing parents away. Here are some ideas to help strengthen connection and build relationship.
- Actively Listen: Active listening is one of the best skills for connecting with your teenager. As parents, we often listen to respond and give feedback which can cause children to feel ignored. However, if we practice listening to understand, by repeating and clarifying what we’ve heard, our children feel their experiences matter to us.
- Show Empathy and Validate: Let your child know that you understand their emotions without judgement; even
if you disagree with their opinion, or behavior. The simple statement “I can see how you might feel ______” can go a long way in building connection with your child. It communicates the value you place on your child as an individual, and not just an extension of you as the parent. You don’t have to agree with everything your child thinks, or their perception of a situation to validate and show empathy for their emotions. Feeling valued and worthy of understanding builds confidence in the child and in the parenting relationship. - Practice Self-Regulation: We can all get upset and angry when our children are being disrespectful or acting in ways we don’t like. It is our job as parents to practice healthy coping skills if we notice our own reactions are unhelpful or out of control. Practice deep breathing, getting a drink of water, running your hands under a cold faucet, or stepping away from the conversation for a brief time. Set good boundaries with yourself and know when you need to take a break.
- Ask Good Questions: A good deal of research on parents and teens show lectures and over-advising often shuts them down, discourages listening, and builds walls between parents and their teens. However, asking good questions can invite teens to be curious, strengthen connections, and encourages responsibility. Good questions also encourage both parents and kids to be better problem solvers, listeners, and partners.
- Take Accountability: It’s ok to be human and show that we make mistakes with our teenagers. How we approach these mistakes can be another powerful tool for connection. When parents are able to take accountability for mistakes, including repair of the relationship, and then work not to do it again, they can truly earn respect from their child. Taking accountability as a parent also allows us to model how we want our children to respond when they make a mistake. It allows us to extend grace to both ourselves and our children.
Blog by Karen Tyson, MA, LPCC
Photo by Bianca Gasparoto via Pexels