Taming the Inner Voice | A Blog About Self Esteem

The bud

stands for all things,

even for those things that don’t flower,

for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;   

though sometimes it is necessary

to reteach a thing its loveliness,

to put a hand on the brow

of the flower,

and retell it in words and in touch,

it is lovely

until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing

–Galway Kinnell

In my work as a therapist, I am so often struck by how critical many of us are toward ourselves. I have heard endless variations on a theme of self-loathing:  I’m stupid…lazy…ugly…wimpy…messed up…a fraud…a wimp…a loser. I’m too angry…impatient…fat…needy…sensitive. I should be smarter…stronger…more self-assured…better…more motivated…over this by now. Sometimes these harsh messages are stated explicitly; other times they are just as clearly implied through tone and attitude.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you might experiment with this. Set a clear intention over the next day or two to really notice what you are thinking and saying to yourself about yourself. Do you meet yourself with kindness, understanding and compassion? Or do you tend to kick yourself when you’re down? Keep in mind that the negative commentary in your mind may be so relentless that it has become a kind of background noise that you don’t even notice.  You may be unaware of it, but the impact on your spirit is there all the same.

If you really pay attention, you will start to feel how it hurts when you keep telling yourself that you are bad or not good enough. How did that critical inner voice get to be the boss of you? What if you began responding to your personal challenges and perceived faults with kindness instead of criticism? That may constitute a radical shift in your self-view, and it may take practice and patience.

Cultivating a caring attitude brings real joy. This spring let the buds you see everywhere serve as a reminder: It is possible to relearn your innate loveliness. As you do, you will experience the flowering that comes from self-blessing.

Written by Elena Walker, MA, LPCC