It’s Okay To Not Be Perfect l Parenting Lessons in Mistakes

Have you ever yelled at your child?  Have you ever told a lie?   Have you ever not followed through on a promise?  If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, let me tell you something:  It is okay!  You are not a bad parent if you get frustrated with your child for their behavior or your follow through is not always perfect.  Parenting is hard and there is no manual for how to manage every situation perfectly.

As humans we make mistakes, nobody is perfect.  What matters most, especially for your children, is how you address your mistake and REPAIR the relationship.  As a parent, it is better to acknowledge your mistake than to ignore it with the belief that a parent is always right.  The valuable lesson that your child is learning is that it is okay to make mistakes and that apologies matter.

What does a REPAIR look like?  First, state that you are sorry and why.  For example “I am sorry I yelled at you this morning when you spilled the milk.”  Next, state why that was wrong.  “It is not okay for me to yell at you when you have an accident.”  Lastly, follow up with a positive expression of love and how you will do it differently next time.  “I love you very much and will be sure to take a breath when feeling frustrated next time.”  That is it!

That REPAIR was short and concise but it sends a strong message of responsibility, validation and love to your child.  When you model this behavior at home, you teach your child how to say sorry to their peers and other adults.

Written by Elizabeth Hamburger, MS, LMFT

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