You’re an incredible mother. languages
Let’s plan a weekend getaway.
I saw these flowers on my way home and thought of you.
You look stressed, let me give you a massage.
I know you’ve had a long week, so I cleaned the kitchen for you.
Do one or two of these phrases resonate with you more than others? They’re probably speaking to your love language. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five main ways we show and feel love: words of affirmation (I support you; You’re doing great), quality time (taking a trip; having a cell phone-free dinner), receiving gifts (picking up flowers on the way home; getting a trinket from a work trip), physical touch (hand holding; hugging), and acts of service (emptying the dishwasher; shoveling the driveway). Reading through that list, you probably have an idea of what’s most important to you, what your partner does that gives you those warm, fuzzy feelings of content and happiness. Maybe that list shows you what you desire from a relationship but are lacking. But for those of you in relationships, or if you’re not currently in one, think of a past relationship and ask yourself, “Do I know what my partner’s love language is/was?”
Many of us tend to express our love in the way that is meaningful to us. For example, if you feel most loved when your partner does a chore at home that is normally “your job,” but they did it this week, then chances are you feel like you’re showing them your appreciation by pulling a little extra weight the next week. But what if that extra effort goes unnoticed, or unacknowledged? Do you feel hurt or resentful? It’s possible it didn’t resonate with them the same way it did with you because perhaps acts of service isn’t their love language. Do you know how to ask what is important to them? Do you know how to express what is important to you? Sometimes we may feel like we are showering our partner with love and we may not even realize they’re going to bed feeling distant or slighted. The point here is that it’s just as beneficial to know your own love language as it is to know your partner’s.
Dr. Gary Chapman not only wrote a book on these 5 Love Languages, but also created an easy online quiz that you and your partner can take to learn how those love languages rank in importance for each of you. So take a few minutes out of your day to take the quiz, check out your results, and have a conversation about it with your partner. Find ways to incorporate more of their love languages into your daily routine. And for you parents out there, there’s a quiz for your kiddo as well. They feel love from you in different ways too, so take it for them or sit down and have them go through it with you. Use this tool to help strengthen your relationships or simply to learn more about yourself. After all, we could all use a little more love.
Written by Elise Browne, MS, LAMFT
Gary Chapman. The 5 Love Languages. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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