Infidelity: Does It Mean the End?

Infidelity is something that affects so many couples. In fact, it is reported that 30-60% of married people will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. When this happens to people it can feel overwhelming and like the situation may never get better. While difficult, there are MANY people who have moved past infidelity in their relationship in order to reconnect with their spouse and some even strengthened their relationship. How do we do this? How do we move beyond betrayal?

TALK – Couples talking through what happened can be very helpful. Infidelity does not come from nowhere, it is usually initially driven by feeling that a need is not being met with their spouse. Talking about this and finding out what that is can really help to heal and give couples a focus to work on and move forward. FEEL – Another important piece of healing is having the right to feel your feelings fully. When someone feels betrayed they need to have the freedom to express their feelings and be validated in those feelings. Remember, there is a way to do that respectfully and that is an important piece if you want to remain in the relationship. RECONNECT – Spend time with each other. So often life is busy. Life can be so busy some days that while you have seen your spouse several times you realize you have not spoken to them. Make time. Set aside time that is specifically devoted to you and your spouse. It does not have to be for hours. It can be a few minutes. It is amazing what that precious time with do for your relationship and to keep you feeling connected.

There are several other things couples can do to repair the damage of infidelity. At the end of the day, it is about two people being willing to do the work. If you start there then you can go far.

Written by Nicole Uzendoski, MSW, LICSW