Helping Form Your Child’s Inner Thoughts

Every day there are hundreds of thoughts that go through our minds that influence the way we think and feel. These automatic, and sometimes subconscious, thoughts influence our mood, actions, and overall understanding of who we are. Since birth, our experiences in the world and with others have been shaping our patterns of thinking and understanding the world around us.

In particular, infants and children are sponges for learning, even though their responses may be limited. They are soaking up patterns of speech and behavior simply from observing. Parents are often the greatest influence on their children, especially in the early years. The way you speak to and about your child can help shape their inner thought life for the better.

Between work, carpooling, school/day-care, and attending to endless tasks at home, it is easy to lose track of intentionality in the little moments of interaction. Thankfully, helping shape your child’s inner thoughts can be done simply by being purposeful in your interactions, no matter how limited.

For this first part, take a few minutes to reflect on the way you talk to and about your child. As mentioned earlier, children often learn through observing and mirroring our patterns of speech. If they have heard positive statements and affirmations about themselves, they will be able to access these when they make a mistake or are feeling discouraged. Instead of thinking “I always make mistakes,” you can help your child have other options, such as, “Even if things are hard, I can do it.”

A practical way to implement this is to state your positive thoughts about your child out loud when you have them. For example, if you are playing with your child and feel fondness for who they are, say “I love spending time with you,” “I am so glad we get to be family,” or “you are kind.” Another idea is seeking to find positive intent in your child’s behavior, even if the result was not what you would like. For instance, if your child was building a tower and threw a block out of frustration, empathize, saying, “you were working really hard on that tower and felt angry that it wasn’t turning out as you hoped. Let me help you figure this out.”

If you are going through a particularly difficult season with your child, plan intentional time to encourage positive interactions. This can be as simple as reading books together before bed, playing with them for 15 minutes, or drawing a picture together. With more positive interactions, positive encouragement and affirming statements will come out more naturally.

Be intentional today, to speak words of encouragement and affirmation to your children, equipping them with confidence for the future!

Written by Courtney Thompson, MA

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