Father’s Day

My father passed away several years ago, so Father’s Day has taken on a different meaning than it had when my dad was alive. Though I no longer participate in the holiday, I find myself thinking back to all those times when I stood in the greeting card aisle searching for the right Father’s Day card. The right card was not going to feature fishing, golfing, drinking, barbecuing, neckties, TVs, TV remotes or lazy boys. It was not going to be too sappy, too silly, hopefully not too bland or claim that he was the world’s best dad. Once I eliminated all the cards that didn’t fit, there might be two or three left to choose from, four if I was lucky.

Sometimes, while pondering my options, I’d glance at my fellow card shoppers and wonder how they were doing. Were they having an easy or hard time of it? What kinds of relationships did they have with their dads? Were they looking forward to spending the day with their fathers? Or was it more complicated that? And what about those who had no reason to be in the greeting card aisle or those who had reasons to boycott it?

This Father’s Day, I’m thinking about the importance of the father-child relationship, and how wonderful it is when that bond is strong, supportive and healthy. I’m thinking of the men I know who are amazing fathers to their kids. I’m also thinking of all the ways this holiday might be complicated and painful for many people, all the ways it might give rise to conflicted feelings, anger, grief, longings and regrets. I’m thinking of children. I’m thinking of grown children. And I’m thinking of fathers.

If this holiday is difficult for you, please take care of yourself. What is the best way for you to mark this day? Is there a way to honor the truth about your father-child relationship(s)?

Written by Elena Walker, MA, LPCC