You are Not Alone | A Blog About Emotional Pain

As a therapist, I have the privilege to work with all kinds of people—people from different backgrounds and circumstances who come for help with a wide range of problems. I am often struck by the sheer variety of human experience. But I am just as struck by similarities than differences. The details may differ, but the same themes arise again and again. One thing that I’ve been thinking about lately is how we human beings often feel isolated when we are experiencing emotional pain.

Some of us keep our personal pain buried deep where no one sees it; we might even hide it from ourselves. Some of us may allow it to surface when we’re alone or with a trusted friend or partner. If we do, chances are good that we make sure to tuck it out of sight and put on our public face before heading out into the wider world. It’s as if there is something embarrassing or shameful about pain. But no one gets through this life without challenges, hurts and disappointments. We all experience our share of heartaches, grief, betrayals, fears, worries, and failures. So why is it that when we are struggling or hurting, we tend to sit in a pool of isolation, feeling bad about ourselves, thinking we’re different from everyone else. Thinking that if we’re struggling, there must be something wrong with us?

I’m not suggesting that we should all be walking around with our pain exposed. Our public face is necessary and serves us well. It allows us to function in the world and to exercise choice about when, where, how and with whom we tend to our personal suffering. What I am suggesting is that when we are having a hard time, we remember—contrary to how it may seem—that we are not alone, that our suffering does not set us apart from others. Rather it is an important part of our human experience that we all share.

Written by Elena Walker, MA, LPCC