Using Music to Move Through Emotion

I loved these songs, learned the tunes and the words, took them

into my heart to stay. I had no idea what to do with them.

But they were doing something with me.

-Rob Sheffield

In having recently reread Sheffield’s 2007 book Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time, I, once again, found myself in awe of music’s ability to restore mental – and physical – health, especially in times of loss. Most of us know that music is a powerful tool for healing and cognitive stimulation (watch this YouTube clip of an elderly gentleman reacting to music he listened to as a young man). But, what’s more, I find that often, in working with clients who may have a hard time articulating their feelings, which are sometimes so raw or “too dark to talk about” following a loss, music is the conduit by which they are able to communicate what they’re experiencing, or at the very least, bring about some sense of familiarity and/or hope to their situation. As Courtney Armstrong (2016) states in a recent publication of Counseling Today, “… sometimes music can convey the complexity of our feelings better than words can.”

I’ve seen this time and time again, in various circumstances, not just grief and loss. As homework, I’ve often asked clients to develop a playlist that either assists in alleviating (or explaining) pain associated with their current state of mind or captures the spirit of a particular relationship, especially with a loved one who has passed away – not unlike Sheffield does in his book. Armstrong (2016) also states, “Composing a playlist of songs that reflects the grieving person’s relationship with a lost loved one can dissolve a sense of isolation and help the client feel an ongoing connection to what he or she has lost.” There are times, of course, that clients are not ready to delve so deeply into their anguish, so we then make it a goal down the line. If and when a client has been able to formulate a playlist (or lists), I’ll of course ask how it went, and the typical response I receive is “cathartic.” The second response? “Awful… but I’m so glad I did it.”

To that end, I asked a fellow therapist a little while back if she had ever again listened to a playlist she curated following the loss of her best friend in junior high. She said that she had, yes, a few years later, and that afterwards, she knew she’d probably never listen to it again, but that hearing it made her feel “honored” to have known her friend and to have invented an adolescent identity as a result of that friendship, an identity she still carried with her today.

I, myself, have felt awakened to a period of time long “forgotten” after having listened to particular playlists I made in high school/college (well, mix tapes because that was still happening then). For me, it’s an unearthing of perspective or distinctiveness that is absent in any other form of reminiscence – a diary of songs that defines an old reality, however painful.

 

Written by Ann Kellogg, MA, LPC

 

References

Armstrong, C. (2016). Music: A powerful ally in your counseling sessions. Counseling Today, 58(9), 60-63.

Sheffield, R. (2007). Love is a mix tape: Life and loss, one song at a time. New York: Three Rivers Press.