Abortions: Let’s Talk About Them

Nearly one in four women will have an abortion at some point in their life. Due to societal debates and stigma, however, many people are unaware of and misinformed about the diversity of abortion experiences. Some individuals may choose to have an abortion because they do not want to continue a pregnancy to have a child; others have the procedure out of necessity due to miscarriage, fetal or their own health risks/conditions. The decision and procedure can elicit a variety of feelings and it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Some people experience a complex mix of feelings such as relief, pride, confusion, sadness, or grief.

Misconceptions About Abortion

Societal messages about abortion vary greatly, and unfortunately sentiments of anti-abortion shame are loud; terms such as “selfish, immoral, and careless” are inescapable. Abortion is a healthcare procedure that requires thoughtful planning and consent.

Under a lens of reproductive justice, it is believed that people have:

The right to have children
The right to not have children
The right to nurture the children we have in a safe and healthy environment

When pursuing pro-abortion resources and providers, it can be useful to assess whether they reflect all three of these beliefs. When one is lacking, individuals are likely to encounter misconceptions or misinformation about reproductive healthcare and bodily autonomy.

Many individuals seeking abortions find themselves at Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPCs) – facilities that attempt to dissuade people from having abortions. It can be difficult online and in-person to differentiate a CPC from a healthcare clinic that supports all pregnancy options – including abortion. People who have had negative experiences in CPCs can benefit from therapy or processing with others.

Abortion care also affects people across the gender spectrum, not just cisgendered women. Trans men, non-binary, and gender expansive people also have abortions and can experience unique challenges to access affirming care.

Sharing Your Experience & Abortion Resources

Many people decide to keep their abortion private in order to hold boundaries and maintain a sense of agency. Others may benefit from sharing by reducing feelings of isolation, processing their experience, and identifying life goals outside of or during subsequent pregnancies.

In addition to supportive family and friends, individual therapy and group/community resources can provide space to connect. For example, Minnesota’s primary abortion fund, Our Justice, hosts a post-abortion support group called “Emerge.” Postpartum Support International offers online support groups for people who are grieving miscarriages or ending their pregnancy for medical reasons. Shout Your Abortion is a website where individuals can share and read other’s stories.

Supporting Others

If you want to support someone who is having or had an abortion, here are several ideas:

Ask how you can support them. This often involves providing a listening, nonjudgmental ear.
Help them know what to expect during their procedure. UnRestrict Minnesota has an accurate informational guide to reference. Clinics also have social workers and coordinators who are available to answer questions prior to or during appointments.
Offer concrete support such as a ride to appointments, comfort supplies, or meals. SPIRAL Collective, a local reproductive justice organization, provides similar resources including pre- or post-abortion doula support.
Be mindful that changes in abortion legislation or contents in news may stir up feelings about this issue; check in and offer to listen as they process.
Join them in pro-abortion, miscarriage/pregnancy loss, or broad reproductive health events and organizing.

If you are considering or have had an abortion, therapy is a space where you can share and process your narrative with a nonjudgmental professional.

Content by Sarah Berlin, MA, LICSW, MEd
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash